Thursday, September 19, 2013

With my voice, I speak

I have a problem. Well, I have several problems, but this one seems to be prevalent at the moment. My problem is this, people often misunderstand what I am saying. This is caused, I think, by a couple of factors. I can be quite direct in my communication when I am just reacting. This can come across as rude to some, I am aware of this. The other factor is that I was raised to view no topic as outside the bounds of reasoned conversation. This generally means that I will have less emotional investment in a given conversation than the person I am talking with. This can lead to me talking far longer about a topic that makes other uncomfortable than I really should. This can also lead me to ask questions that might be upsetting to someone. As I was raised in an environment where these sorts of things were the norm. My parents wanted me to be able to discuss anything freely and without shame. I sometimes do not understand that others are not the same.

This has become an issue more often lately as I have started to talk online with a lot of different people about gaming and my GMing style. When someone makes a statement about GMing that is either too vague, too biased, or just logically unsound I tend to react. I hold back my first impulse with that situation. I really try to. I do. I do not want to be rude. My first assumption with any of those situations is to assume I am wrong, that I do not understand. So I ask questions to clarify. I wish to make sure I understand before I start to respond, as I do not wish to rush to misjudge.

Here is where the interesting part comes in. Lately when I have asked questions in order to better understand I have been getting a somewhat negative response. This has not happened every time, but it has happened often enough that it has become a bit of a concern. Specifically one particular individual has taken to insulting me rather than responding to any of my questions. I find the whole situation distressing. I ask questions and instead of a response I get derision. I don't understand why the insults so I ask more questions, and I get more derision. This hurts me.

I know what you all are thinking, "Then you should just avoid talking with these people." However, I feel like this is giving in to bullying. I like to be honest and sincere with others and I like to believe that with understanding peace can be achieved. Maybe I am wrong. I am probably wrong. This is just my sharing of feelings that I have experienced. I have been far more upset about these instances than I really should be. I think I may be a bit depressed. On the plus side, depression is a trigger for my creative side so I should be able to really put some excellent work into Jadepunk.